After quite a hiatus, I'll pen here at beatcanvas again. Been a while, but I need the vent of writing.
Relationships take on their own life, and the people involved do the best that they can to make it work. Sometimes it doesn't. It's what it is.
The aftermath is always dodgy. The heart wanders all over the place, leaving a toddler-ish mess of things. The head - the adult - walks behind and patiently cleans up the mess.
And then when it's over, a lot of reflection. What went right, what went wrong. The heart wants to kick the other person and admit no wrong, but that's crap. There is always something that could have been better, and the only person we control is ourselves. It does no good to focus on the other person, although it does make the heart feel better. But when those couple of days are over, languishing there results in bitterness. That's when the head has to tell the heart, "Pipe down, junior."
It's best to pick up the pieces of goodness garnered from the relationship, find gratitude, and move ahead in life.
There's a smart book called "Things I Wish I'd Known Sooner" about being a mom. The author has 12 kids. One item is to not ask "Why?" something happened.
"Whenever something difficult happens to me, I never question what has happened. I never ask, 'Why did this have to happen to me?' or 'Why must I go through this?' or 'Why would the Lord let this happen?' or 'Why won't this go away?' or 'Why aren't my prayers being answered?'Life is the sum of our choices. We don't choose what happens to us, of course, but we do determine our response.
"I don't let myself worry about what can't be changed. All I worry about is 'What is my role?' and 'What goals must I set to change this?' and 'What must I do to turn this into a building experience for my and my family?"
Anytime we can walk out of a negative situation healthy and whole, it's all good. If hurt happened, healing will too. It's just important to avoid impulsive reactions that will only make things worse. At any given point, we can rationalize any choice or behavior. No better time to remain true to who we choose to be than right after a breakup.